For That Special Dolt In Your Life
by Selene Sokal
Summary: Weiss and Ruby have started dating, and now, with Christmas coming up, Weiss wants to get her new girlfriend the perfect present. But trying to come up with a gift idea has her realize that she needs someone's help in understanding what would make a perfect gift for Ruby. Someone more on her wavelength. Someone... more of a dolt.
1. Chapter 1

"I don't… think I'm the right person to ask for this?"

The blond shrugged, apologetic and awkward. Weiss sighed. It was something she ought to agree with. A voice in her head, the voice of a younger Weiss, was certainly saying it. But she'd already thought this through, and she knew that there was nobody else she could turn to on this matter. Nobody knew this side of Ruby better than Jaune.

So she looked him dead in the eye. "If you weren't the right person to ask about this, I wouldn't be speaking to you."

She had only just started dating Ruby. But she had been in love with her for a much, much longer time. She first realized she it not long after the Fall of Beacon, when, despite all the chaos, uncertainty, and emotional upheaval, the only thing she could find herself thinking about in Atlas was if Ruby was safe and how long it would be until she saw her again. And once she realized it, she constantly imagined, rehearsed, and daydreamed how she'd tell Ruby how she really felt, but once they were reunited… she lost her nerve. She _wanted_ to tell Ruby her feelings, wanted it more than anything, but she just… couldn't.

When Ruby took the initiative and asked her out, she nearly burst into tears on the spot. It was the happiest moment she'd had in years, and yet… she felt guilty for it. Ruby had so much to deal with, between the truth of her silver eyes and the growing burden of leadership she was taking on. She shouldn't have to worry about relationship drama. She shouldn't have had to be the one who had to be brave and risk herself by putting her feelings out there. She, more than anyone else on Remnant, _deserved_ a girlfriend who would take the initiative, so that she could focus on the really important things.

So Christmas felt like a chance to really express her feelings and let Ruby know just how deeply she cared for her. To let her know that she wouldn't let herself be ruled by fear and wouldn't need to be rescued. That _she_ would take care of _her._ It _had_ to be perfect.

And through some bizarre twist of logic, the only way it could truly be perfect is if she went to, of all people, Jaune.

Of course, he wasn't quite on with the program. "I don't _want_ to remind you of this, but when I tried to ask you out, it was…" She grimaced, involuntarily, but she did it all the same. Yes, it had been awkward, and though they had rebuilt their relationship since, it had taken them a long time to do so. "So, maybe my advice won't actually help? I really think you should just, you know, go with your heart on this. I don't think anyone's closer to her than you are."

Weiss sighed, "It's not about 'closest,' it's more of a 'I'm her girlfriend, but you're her best friend' situation."

He cocked an eye at her. "No, _you're_ her best friend. Best Friend Forever, technically—you're at the top of the chart, after all."

"But we're dating so- wait, what chart?"

He clicked open his scroll and opened a document, then showed it to her. "…the Ruby Rose Friendship Hierarchy Master Document? Surely you've seen this by now?" Glancing at the complex array of color-coded tiers and qualifiers, she immediately felt as if she recognized the document, but, like with so many of Ruby's Action Plans and Advanced Notices, she'd long since resolved to just glance at their nonsense, piece together a summary, and move on.

"I- I have to admit- wait a second," she pointed at the chart, where three boxes were in exact parallel. "I'm not at the top of the chart. You and Yang are right there!"

"Yeah, because Yang's her sister and I'm her First Beacon Friend, which are parallel friendship tranches," he said, as if those were words, "however, you'll notice that your name is in red, so-"

"We're both in red!"

"I'm more of a burgundy, really, you're more of a, um, a…" he searched for the word.

"…ruby." Of course. Her name was in a bright ruby red, her girlfriend's absolute most favorite color. It was hard not to be touched.

"Yeah, exactly!"

She took a moment to breathe and remind herself that she didn't love her girlfriend in spite of her ridiculousness, she loved her _because _of her ridiculousness. Her informality, her unrestrained joy, her un-Schnee-ness. Weiss loved and cherished Ruby because she'd spend a day creating a completely nonsense document that clarified that Maria was a "cool scythe buddy," with a line linking her with her uncle, Nora and Ren's names were linked with "together/together-together?" and a series question marks, and that Cardin Winchester was nearly at the bottom at "Rank ZZZ," with their _actual villains_ awkwardly crammed in beneath that. It was… such a Ruby thing to do.

"It's… because of these things that I am going to you for advice," she started slowly, "You… might be the only person who actually reads everything she sends to the group chat. I love her, I love her more than anything, but you… you _get _her."

"We _are_ socially awkward buddies," he murmured.

"Is that on the chart?" He started to point, so she cut him off. "Nevermind. But that's what I mean! You're on her wavelength! You're both—and I mean this with love—dolts! If I want to get her something really, really special, you would know what that is!"

He sat for a second, quietly thinking through her words. "I don't know if I could tell you, but!" he quickly added as her face fell, "I… guess I could help you through a Leadership Decision Matrix? It's a method Ruby and I developed back in our Beacon leadership class on how to figure things out—even if it doesn't really work for you, it might help you think through how Ruby approaches things like that. Does that sound… sensible?"

It… kind of did? Well, it couldn't hurt! "Thanks, I'd really like that." She smiled at him. She was glad they were friends now. And speaking of friends… "So, um, do you know what you're getting Blake?"

He turned pale before speaking in a tuneless, but resolute, voice, "There's a chapter in her… personal copy of _Ninjas of Love_ that is heavily, heavily annotated. I… know exactly what Blake wants."

The way he said it, Weiss decided she didn't actually want to know more.

* * *

Where he'd scrounged up a white board and a full pack of colored dry erase markers, she'd never know. Did they do this for _every_ plan? It seemed extravagant, but… everything about this process seemed needlessly extravagant. She couldn't make heads nor tails of the complex flow chart scrawled in Jaune's less-than-precise handwriting, but he seemed excited that she was even participating in this.

"So!" he shouted, writing his last note with a flourish, "Let's start—what ideas have you already had?"

Here goes nothing. "I… I was thinking of buying her some high-end weapon parts. She's been having issues with her scope recently, and I was thinking that I still have enough connections to get her a top-of-the-line SDC model." It was definitely an option she'd considered, and, even cut off from her family wealth, she had the resources to afford it. "But… I keep thinking I need to get her something that's not from a store or anything like that, something really special and unique, something that only I could give her."

Jaune stroked his chin. "Hmmm, your reasoning on that is solid, but, as you know, Ruby's… still a little childish. So you getting her the expensive thing isn't a bad place to start. But for a heartfelt gift…" He seized the whiteboard, flipping it to the backside, where there was an even _more_ elaborate flow chart of options and operations. "We've got to start the Idea Creation Matrix, which has us starting in the anterior middle portion, here, and then we start with…" and then his words turned into a senseless buzz of… she wasn't sure what to call it. Language?

Weiss was fairly certain that most of the things he was saying were not words, or, at least, not words that she respected. Was this a prank? Would Yang and Blake leap out with streamers at some point and they'd all have a good laugh at her expense?

No, that wasn't what Jaune was like. It was far more plausible that he and Ruby legitimately used this insane nonsense process as a key part of their decision making. If anything, watching as he drew a box around the words "Consult Magic 8 Ball," it made things make a whole lot more sense.

She wondered what Salem would think if she knew that _this_ was what she was up against.

"…then we get to the Weiss-check- er," he attempted to correct himself, as Weiss's eyes went wide, hearing her name bringing her back to reality. "I mean, the… _common sense _check?"

"Wait, do you mean that I'm _regularly _part of this process?"

"No! Sometimes it's Ren, or…" he sighed, sheepishly, "It's pretty much always you."

"Well, at least you're thinking of me," she shrugged. Suddenly, a whole bunch of bizarre "hypothetical" questions Ruby had asked in the past made a lot more sense. And she also had a sense that, if those situations had been produced by this decision matrix thing, this might be leading her to only the most absurd outcome.

_It's for Ruby_, she reminded herself. And when Ruby learned that she went through one of her bizarre decision trees to find her way, Weiss knew she'd be delighted. She would have found the perfect gift for her girlfriend, and she'd make it even better by having the perfect story behind it!

"Alright, Jaune," she pumped her fist in a way she hoped looked affirmative, determined, and self-confident, "let's get _started!_"

* * *

They had journeyed out of the city and into the wilderness. It was a risky choice, not only because of the hazard of Grimm attacks, but also the fact that they had enemies who might be lurking, waiting for a chance to strike. Qrow would pitch a fit about it if he knew—but judging from how late it was when Ruby finally dragged him home from the bar, he probably wasn't going to be aware of much of what was happening today.

After some distance, Jaune stopped her at a clearing. "So, we went out into the woods, because the first step is actually to reach outside of ourselves, going to those we trust, and asking them for help."

She shot him a quizzical look. "Aren't I already doing that, talking to you?"

"Oh, no, this isn't about _people,_" and she immediately knew what he was going to say next, "you brought Myrtenaster, right?"

Of course. Of course. Jaune surely had some "commune with my ancestral sword" nonsense and Ruby thought nobody knew that she talked to Crescent Rose when she thought everyone was asleep. They were dolts, after all. Dolts she loved, but dolts all the same.

She held up her sword and looked at it. An elegant weapon, one she'd obsessively worked to maintain its pristine look back at Beacon, but since the Fall, she'd allowed it to bear the smudges and chips of age. It was no less well maintained, and, indeed, with Ruby's help, she'd even improved it's fighting ability, but she was much less concerned with appearances now. No Grimm cared how the light gleamed off the blade; they only appreciated how swiftly it pierced their hides.

She smiled at that. Sometimes, even now, she wasn't sure if she was becoming a better person. She'd realized that the Weiss who went to Beacon was immature, stubborn, entitled, and demanding, and she was doing everything she could to grow up. But sometimes, from her temper or when she was the only one complaining about things, she felt that she still was the old her. Holding Myrtenaster in her hand and comparing its seasoned blade to what she used to carry, though, was concrete proof that her values had changed.

And she had Ruby to thank for that.

A memory came, from back in their Beacon days, of them in the workshop. She had finally given in to Ruby's pestering and allowed her, with much fanfare, to help her maintain Myrtenaster. She had immediately regretted placing her weapon, and it's delicate machinery, into the hands of her most hyperactive teammate. And yet… Ruby handled her sword with a careful focus she rarely saw in her leader. More than care, it was _respect_. She respected her weapon, as both a prized possession and the thing that marked Weiss as a Huntress.

And she felt ashamed.

She had been thinking of Ruby like an excitable kid who couldn't wait to play with _her_ shiny, expensive toy, but for Ruby, Myrtenaster wasn't a status symbol. It was something significant, important, even a little sacred. Her obsession with Crescent Rose, which had seemed so silly, she now realized was a proof that Ruby could be serious, focused, even diligent—she would need all those traits to so carefully and studiously assemble and maintain a weapon as customized as Crescent. In Ruby's hands, Myrtenaster was what it had always ought to be to Weiss—a true companion, a sign of her standing, her skill, and her duties as a Huntress.

She'd left the meeting chastened, and with a new sense of respect for her leader. It was one of the first steps to both growing up and discovering her feelings for Ruby. It was a deeply cherished memory.

She looked up from her blade to Jaune, who was looking back in rapt excitement. "So!" he started, "Did that give you any ideas what to get Ruby?"

Oh yeah, that.

She, sadly, shook her head _no._

But Jaune's positivity was undeterred. "Alright, well, on to the next step!"

* * *

"So would you say that memory was more fire-based or water-based?"

She stared at him for a few seconds. "What?"

He held up his notepad, covered in illegible scribbles. "It's for the Matrix. I need to tabulate your current score before we can figure out which exercise to move on to. It was all in the walkthrough?" Oh yes, that.

Weiss sipped her coffee. They had retreated to a small coffeehouse to escape the cold and plot their next move. Jaune, notepad and pen in hand, had asked her for as much detail as she could recall from what she was thinking, feeling, and doing in the last exercise, which he proceeded to make absurd calculations out of.

Well, she wanted lunacy. She shouldn't be surprised when she got it.

She watched as his pen rapidly scratched out some equations. She had to admit, Jaune was surprisingly good at math—even if the numbers were nonsense, his calculus was sound. Likely due to coming from a non-combat school background, where he would have taken more general education classes, but it was still not something she would have expected of him a year ago. But evidently, he'd found the answer he needed without having her classify the elements of her memory. "Okay, looking at this… Yeah, this next step's pretty simple."

"Excellent." She tried to look enthusiastic, to put her best foot forward. "What do I do?"

"Well, I had to do some hedges here, considering we're on a deadline, and my back-of-the-envelope math isn't _really_ that precise…" he rambled, then noticed the steely look Weiss was fixing on him, "Ok, sorry. I was thinking—the problem, I think, is indecision-"

She cut him off, "How can it be indecision if I don't even have _one_ idea to be indecisive about?"

He didn't seem offended by the interruption. "That's actually something Ruby and I have to deal with a lot. When there's so much pressure to come up with ideas, sometimes we come up blank because we're too focused on having a _good_ idea, and that fear makes us come up with _no _ideas. Back at Beacon, we learned that, sometimes, you've just got to jolt your brain out of its normal operation to get you to accept the ideas that come. Which'll be easy, because we're at a coffee shop. So let's have you order The Ruby!"

No. Not that! Anything but that! Weiss looked at him in horror. "The Ruby" was the name given to Ruby's personal coffee order, a nightmare of sugar, caffeine, and 67 distinct add-ins that even Nora thought had too much for her to handle. The first time she'd ordered it, the barista had refused, citing safety concerns. A manager made her sign a waiver when she proved undeterred. She'd gotten a _letter_ from the CEO of the chain, saluting her trailblazing spirit and politely requesting she never order it again.

Could Weiss ever attempt it? Could she _survive_ it? Ruby's diet had been… well, she'd made progress. Things were definitely better now. It had started as her forcing her partner to attempt a more balanced diet, and Ruby resentfully following her orders, but now, she seemed to genuinely take food seriously, as something that kept her going as a professional fighter.

And… would it really be so bad to try it? Not only had Ruby made an effort to try the foods Weiss liked, it's not like Ruby had steered her wrong in the past, like when she introduced her to funnel cake. What Weiss had thought to be a messy and hellish mix of fried dough and excessive sugar—combining two different health concerns!—had proven to be a delightful treat that, thanks to their overindulgence, led to an even more delightful sugar high that sent her and Ruby into fits of giggling as they explored the various stalls and shops that catered to the Tournament crowd.

But like all memories from the Vytal Tournament, remembering it came with a bittersweet pang. It was hard not to contrast their lives now to their carefree lives then, where the worst thing they had to fear was being bested in a staged fight, not… she shook her head clear. This kind of thinking would only lead her down a bad way. But that was why she was putting so much effort into this gift, right? To try and give Ruby back her sense of normalness and fun, even if for a little while, to show her that, as her teammate, Weiss would stand by her as they fought against Salem and impossible odds, but as her girlfriend, she could ensure she still had a place where she could be the joyous, fun-loving Ruby Rose.

Steeling her courage, she finally spoke up to Jaune. "I- I think I can do it," she whispered.

"Nope, I think we've got it."

"What?"

"All I wanted to do was to put you into a new mindset, and I'm pretty sure I achieved that with… whatever was going through your head right now. Did that give you any clarity to what you want to get her?"

Weiss concentrated, steeling her mind to focus on that memory, the sense of that blistering sugar rush, letting herself as fun, the sound of Ruby's laugh…

…Cookies? Was that a thing she could get Ruby for Christmas? It would definitely be a popular gift, and there already were Christmas cookies as a concept, so there was some precedent for invoking them as a potential-

No. This wasn't an idea, either. She shook her head again, appreciative that Jaune didn't seem annoyed that they were still at this plan.

"That's fine. On to the next step!"

* * *

After that, it felt like they had tried everything. Meditate under waterfalls (using a shower instead as no waterfalls were nearby), throw darts at a board while hanging upside down from the ceiling, shout the first words that came to her head as Jaune asked her a series of questions, break for lunch… which was probably just a legitimate lunch break, but with this _insane_ process, she was confident that Jaune was making notes about how she ate her salad. And through it all, as Jaune tallied… whatever it was he was keeping track of and adjusting numbers for whatever inscrutable purpose this had in the decision making process, she felt no closer on what to get Ruby. She was honestly thinking of just getting her an SDC gift card. _A gift card!_

Jaune, however, seemed completely oblivious to her plight. Of course he was. He probably had to go through this every time he had to decide an appropriately dumb name for a combination attack. _No_, she stopped herself, _it's not his fault. There's no reason for me to lash out when he's helping me._ They were back in the woods now, and, once they'd reached a clearing, Jaune turned to her. "This is the part where we try to get some help from adrenaline. I've asked Nora-"

"Hello!" Weiss almost screamed when a redheaded bundle of electrical energy simply burst into her field of vision. Where the _hell_ had- no, she was not going to get frustrated. It had been a long day, and she had nothing to show for it, and now Nora was here to probably set her on fire, but she would not let her temper get the best of her! For Ruby's sake!

But Jaune seemed as pleasant as he had been since the beginning. "Nora's been instructed to-"

Nora cut him off, "Yeah, shoot Weiss with grenades, I read most of your message."

"Wait, Nora-"

But she was already firing. Firing _and_ laughing, because of course she was. _This is what I get for not losing my temper,_ Weiss thought as she raced for cover, explosions rocking the ground beneath her. Time for strategy: she and Jaune together could take on Nora, if Jaune could distract her long enough to let Weiss get in close, but it'd be a tough fight, and it _wouldn't_ help her come up with a gift idea!

She dove over a fallen log, the _BOOM_ of a dust grenade making her ears ring as a shower of dirt and wood chips rained down on her. She was fairly certain Jaune was probably already out of the fight—a good hit from Magnhild would do that to anyone who tried to stop her fun. And now she was next.

If she didn't come up with an idea _now_ she was going to die trying to think of a gift.

Or worse, she'd have to see what Jaune had prepared for the next step on the Matrix…

She wasn't sure if it was fear, frustration, revulsion, or exhaustion, but whatever it was, she was struck by a _profound_ wave of not wanting to keep going with this process. How did Ruby manage to do this _ever_, much less regularly! How did Ruby… no, that wasn't right. How _would _Ruby handle this. How would Ruby…

She leapt up from behind the log. "Jaune! I've got it! I've-"

She was cut off by the sight in front of her. Jaune was holding Magnhild over his head with one hand, while holding back a furious Nora with the other, as she flailed away, trying to grab her weapon back. Weiss had to admit, she really hadn't expected him to do so well. However, being distracted by Weiss, he looked away for a moment, giving Nora the chance to solidly punch him square in the stomach. Doubled over, he was no longer able to keep the weapon out of her hands.

Time to step in. "Nora!" she shouted, in her sternest, Weiss-est voice, and stamped her foot. "No! No more shooting!"

Nora immediately made a pout, "But I haven't even been able to use my new-"

"Nora! No!"

Grumbling and pouting, Nora put Magnhild away as Jaune caught his breath and stumbled over to where she was. "You… figured… it out?" he wheezed. A punch from Nora was serious business, even when she was play-fighting. Probably even more so when she was play-fighting. But Jaune was made of sterner stuff. Besides, he had the aura to take hits like that.

But she wasn't here to note Jaune's combat ability. She smiled proudly as she placed her hands on her hips and proclaimed, "A coupon book!"

He blinked, owlishly. "A… coupon book?"

"Yes! A coupon book! But handmade, with coupons for free hugs and kisses, or getting out of lectures from me, or having me do the boring, responsible stuff she hates doing. It's perfect! It's cute and informal and a little childish, but it's also sincere and familiar and, well… It's…" she felt her cheeks grow warm with a blush, "everything I love about Ruby."

Jaune nodded at that. "Yeah, that makes sense. A coupon book was what I was thinking of when we started this."

"I know! Isn't it- Hold on. You mean…" realization was dawning on her, realization and fury, "this _whole time_, you knew exactly what I should get her and you _still_ made me go through that insane Decision Matrix nonsense!"

"…No?" he feebly attempted to lie.

Jaune toppled backwards, scrambling on his hands and knees, as Myrtenaster was immediately in her hand. She loomed over him, trying to ignore Nora's hooting and cheering, and gave him her sternest, most-Weiss-like look, and then-

She smiled.

"Thanks, Jaune," she said, helping him up and ignoring Nora's boos. "It wouldn't have been the same if you'd just suggested it."

"Oh, um, you're welcome?" He seemed taken aback by her change in tone. "For, uh, whatever it was I did?"

"I wanted to get her a gift that showed her how I _felt_ about her, but I also…" she felt a faint warmth surge to her cheeks, "I wanted to understand more about her. I spent the day going through all this craziness and remembering everything that I love about her. I really couldn't ask for anything else." She smiled at him, then remembered their earlier conversation. "Oh, and Jaune… for Blake's gift, just remember: safe, sane, and consensual. Even if she is your-"

At that, Jaune's eyes shot wide in alarm. "Why does everyone keep thinking what I'm getting her is some kind of crazy sex thing!"

"Because Yang keeps telling us it is," Nora replied, nonchalantly, "and because you're dating Blake, and it's something from her smut books, so…"

"_Ninjas of Love_ isn't just smut, it has real, literary value!" he shouted, cutely unaware how closely he was quoting his girlfriend in this moment, "It's just… the scene in question, it's about intimacy and vulnerability and it involves-"

"And that's my cue to leave!" shouted Nora, "Have fun with your crazy sex thing!"

_Dolts_, Weiss thought, laughing to herself as Jaune chased after his teammate, _I'm surrounded by dolts. And I couldn't be happier._


	2. Chapter 2

Ruby loved Christmas morning.

She loved creeping down from her bedroom, she loved seeing the presents under the tree, and she especially loved that lazy Christmas morning, eating pastries and sipping cocoa, enjoying time with her family, feeling loved and like she belonged. When she was a little kid, she used to be the first up on Christmas, trying not to wake Yang or dad while she snuck down to just admire the presents and the tree in the early dawn light. Working up the courage to open a present early. Always chickening out.

But this Christmas, she knew she was the last to wake up. She'd been up late the night before, not because she was too excited to fall asleep, but because she was burning the midnight oil, working with Jaune to theorize their next steps. She'd even, jokingly, justified their hard work by noting that they had Christmas day off.

But in spite of all that, she was absolutely certain that this was going to be the all-time absolute best Christmas ever, because not only was she spending it with all the friends she'd made on her long journey, she'd be spending it with her… her girlfriend!

It felt unreal to even say that word. Felt doubly unreal when she thought about who it _was. _Her incredible, amazing girlfriend, who was so mature and classy and elegant and cool and cultured and beautiful and so, so out of Ruby's league that she _had_ to chalk their relationship up to some kind of miracle. Seriously, Weiss was _the best_, not only her best friend at Beacon, but the coolest Huntress she'd ever known, _and_, somehow, the sweetest, most caring girl in the world!

As she shuffled her way down to the main room, she heard Christmas music in the air—thought he kind that had no Santa or reindeer or jingle bells, but instead had mezzosopranos and philharmonics and, um, concertos? Normally, she'd find this kind of music weird and boring, but now, hearing it just made her think of Weiss, and that made her feel all warm and fuzzy inside. She slipped into the room, seeing a lovely sight of all her friends and travelling companions gathered around the tree, idly enjoying their Christmas. But her eyes zoomed to her girlfriend, talking with Ren about the Christmas music, but once she noticed Ruby had entered, her face lit up and she smiled that super-sweet Weiss smile that Ruby loved more than anything.

"Merry Christmas, Weiss!"

"Merry Christmas, Ruby," she said, getting out of her seat and striding over to Ruby where she gave her a quick kiss that made Ruby's heart do somersaults.

"Ugh," Yang cut in, "get a room, you two." Weiss rolled her eyes and Ruby stuck her tongue out in response. "Oh, if you think I'm not going to give my little sister and her girlfriend grief, you've got a whole nother thing coming!"

"Someone's just mad that she's _single,_" Weiss sniffed, and Ruby quickly had to intervene to pacify the situation. But before she could say anything, they heard a clatter outside, a familiar one, one they had all learned to recognize without Maria chiming in, "Sounds like the drunk's back."

Ruby went to the window to look out. Sure enough, it was her uncle… but he wasn't alone.

"Guysh, Guysh!" he shouted, "I foun' Santa!"

"That's _clearly_ Tyrian!" Ruby hollered back.

Shocked, Qrow glanced at the scorpion Faunus, who just shrugged. He looked back up to Ruby in the window and shouted, "No it'sh not!" And then he stumbled to the door.

Adrenaline kicked in. Christmas or not, sleepy or not, they hadn't gotten this far to not be ready for anything. Yang rushed into position at the door to prepare for Tyrian's assault, while Weiss tossed Crescent to Ruby. _Merry Christmas,_ she thought to her scythe as she unfurled it, _how about we have our own little celebration?_

But as they readied themselves for the assault, they were absolutely blindsided by Qrow and Tyrian coming in arm-in-arm, poorly singing two different carols at the same time, looking all to the world like they were Christmas revelers and _not_ sworn enemies.

Tyrian waved at them cheerfully. "Merry Grimmsmas to one and-"

"You can't _be _here!" a scandalized Weiss thundered.

He gave her the look of a kicked puppy dog. "But… why?"

"We're enemies!" she hissed.

A shocked Qrow rounded on him. "Izzat true?"

He shrugged, guiltily. "Eh, _maybe?_ But! Watts's plan was just so _complicated,_ and it had too many parts, so I just, you know, wandered off! To celebrate Grimmsmas with my favorite people!"

"Wandered off? We can _do that?_" Nora suddenly cut in.

"No! You! Can't!" Weiss shouted, rubbing her temples. "Ren, Maria, _Jaune_, even, please, please, _someone_ please start talking sense."

But Tyrian kept talking as though nobody else had spoken. "Grimmsmas is a time for all of us to come together in the worship of our dark Goddess-"

Yang looked at him incredulously. "We're… we're trying to stop her. Surely, you know this."

"Just because I'm Orthodox Salemist doesn't mean I can't spend Grimmsmas with my best Reform friends!" he answered, cheerfully. Weiss was left stammering at that, completely at a loss for words, which, Ruby figured, was pretty impressive considering how good she'd gotten at managing both Nora and Yang. "Come on!" the scorpion Faunus pleaded, "We're all friends here!"

"We are _emphatically _not," Ren shot back.

But then, unexpectedly, _Qrow_ pushed himself in between the two and slurred, "Oh, is thish fin'ly happenin'? On Christmas? _Christmas?_ You'n me, we're not _friendsh, _huh? Couldn't keep _that_ opinions inside for one more day, eh, _Renny?_ Hey everybody!" he shouted, drunkenly, "The Qrow/Ren throwdown's finally happenin'!"

"Oh no!" Nora cried, "This has been building for _so long_ and only now I realize I've done nothing to stop it!"

"It… has?" Ruby asked, pretty sure it hadn't.

"If you've been paying attention to the clues, this has been building for the last four seasons," she replied, soberly.

Weiss rolled her eyes. "Months, Nora, for the last time, they're called _months_. Not seasons. But," she turned to Ruby, "that's not a real problem—your uncle's halfway to tipping over, and- ah, now he's passed out," Ruby glanced back to see that Qrow had toppled onto Ren, who was struggling to hold up her uncle's weight without dropping him on the floor, "So we've got the real problem," she gestured to Tyrian, "Any ideas?"

"Team huddle!" Ruby yelled, and swiftly, her allies fell into formation. Or, at least, several of them did. "Wait, we're not at full strength. Where is everybody?"

"Well, Qrow's on the floor," Maria answered, "and the little boy got stuck with the murderer, somehow," she gestured over to the couch where an excited Tyrian was talking to a _terrified_ Oscar.

"…Three wise men, myself, Watts, and Hazel, came upon a manger, which, if my understanding is correct, is some kind of barn. But Lo! We came upon a child, who was in a manger for some reason, and we all agreed: best Grimmsmas ever! Or, I _think_ that's how the story went…"

Then she pointed to Jaune and Blake. "And those two are just gazing into each others eyes, like they've been doing all morning." And they were, probably unaware that Tyrian, or anyone other than the one in front of them, was even here. Jaune was gently brushing her cheek with his hand, Blake was lovingly whispering things that Ruby had long since learned to never try to listen to, for her own well being. But so long as she didn't do that, they were just so cute together!

"How are _we,_" Weiss huffed, "the ones who get made fun of for being sickeningly cute when they're like that _all the time!_"

"Cause we're the best!" Ruby cheered, and threw her arms around her girlfriend, who made a move to struggle against the hug, but then just let herself melt into her arms. She just loved Weiss so much!

"…Anyways," Maria continued, "This is too much excitement for my Christmas, so I'm going to help myself to some food and then take a nap. I'm old; I can do what I want."

And then she did exactly that. Ruby had to admire her directness on this.

"Alright, well," Weiss spoke up, "we're down to half strength, but we need to find something to do about the scorpion in the room."

"She means Tyrian," Ruby whispered to Nora who went _ohhh_ and nodded.

"We've got to find a way to take him down quickly, or this is going to be the most violent Christmas we've ever had, on _top_ of being the weirdest Christmas any of us have ever had. _Any of us-_" she raised a hand to silence Nora, "except for Ren and Nora."

"Eh," Yang piped up, "we've had weirder. Hey Rubes," she turned to her sister, "remember that year when my mom stole Christmas?"

The worst Christmas she'd ever had? That one? With Dad quietly livid and Yang doing her best to try to console her when she woke up and found there were no presents, no tree, no _Christmas cookies?_ Just a terrifying mask left hanging above the chimney and YOU'RE NOT OVER ME TAI written in what she _hoped_ wasn't blood? How could she _forget?_ "I never got my dolly back," she murmured, sadly.

"Yeah, it was… dark, even for her." Yang gave an awkward chuckle.

Everyone silently took a moment to process that.

Looking around the room, Yang whispered, "Well, how about we just jump him right now and hand him over to Ironwood? Five on one, and he's not paying attention—we're not gonna get a chance like this this easy again."

Weiss nodded. "Sounds good, let's…" she trailed off. She was looking at Ruby now, in that Weiss way where she knew Ruby was thinking of something before even Ruby realized it. "Do you have another idea, Ruby?"

Well, he was their enemy. And he needed to be arrested. He was almost certainly up to something, and everything she knew about being sensible told her not to do it, but… "Okay," she started, having found her resolve, "He needs to be stopped. But it doesn't have to be right now, right? Especially if he's here with peaceful intent. I mean… nobody should be alone on Christmas." She glanced over to Tyrian, looming over a terrified Oscar and telling the story of "The First Grimmsmas," though it also seemed like he was making it up as he went. "Even him. Maybe… maybe if we could all get along for one day, one short day where we put aside our fighting and let all of us just _breathe_, well… Maybe we could all realize that we don't have to be fighting all the time. Maybe we could just have a day where we didn't have to be in a life and death struggle?"

From the looks on her friends' faces, she hadn't exactly won them over. But she knew Weiss had her back. "Ruby's…" she took a breath, "Ruby's right. A day without fighting is worth it."

"We can mind him, or, at least," Ren added, "we can put some distance between him and Oscar." They all took a glance over to Oscar, his eyes wide and completely locked on Tyrian's extremely animated storytelling. "He's… probably going to hold a grudge for this."

Yeah, that was probably true.

"Alright, Tyrian," Weiss barked, and the man's head shot up just like Zwei's would, "You can stay."

A comically oversized smile broke across his face. "You mean it? You really mean it?"

"For some reason," Yang groused, "we really do mean it."

He pumped his fist into the air. "Hooray! And now it's time to exchange traditional Grimmsmas punches—starting with the youngest! So, hold still…"

Weiss was quick to put her foot down to let Oscar skitter away. "No, we're exchanging gifts. _That is all_. Speaking of…" and she raced past the wide-eyed Oscar, over to the tree to grab one of the colorful parcels and brought it back. "This is for you, Ruby."

The gift was perfectly wrapped, using really nice paper that she was scared to just tear open. It even had a bow on top! But slowly, carefully, she unwrapped the paper and gazed upon her gift.

It was a book. But not like, a book book. It was a… a coupon book? For- for her? She opened to a random page, with four coupons to get out of a lecture for free, with no exceptions! Another page, "Weiss will patiently explain a topic and answer all questions without judgment," for times when she didn't know what people were talking about and was too afraid to ask. And a whole bunch of free kisses coupons that she'd try to ration out to the end of January, but she'd probably spend them all way too quickly.

But the best part was… it was all handmade. Everything was precise and carefully put together, undeniably written in Weiss's neat handwriting, and yet… it was written with brightly colored pens, there were fun little doodles in the margins, and all the other little things that were _Ruby_ things, not _Weiss_ things. She even used _glitter_, for dust's sake! Glitter!

She felt the tears running down her face as she tried and failed to keep her composure. "Weiss, I- I- _Weiss!_ I-" she managed to sniffle out.

"Do you like it?"

Words failed her. All she could do was nod.

"Then I got everything I wanted for Christmas." And then she leaned forward to plant a sweet little kiss straight on her lips.

But Ruby couldn't let it end there. Sure, all Weiss might have wanted for Christmas was to make Ruby happy, perfect girlfriend that she was, but Ruby had gotten her a gift. A gift she was absolutely certain Weiss would love. "Here you go!" she said cheerfully, handing her a roughly-wrapped package, made up of newspaper comics pages and a whole lot of tape.

Weiss eagerly tore it open, and gasped as she saw it was a book. But not just any book…

"'Ruby and Weiss: From Besties to Sweeties,'" she read off the title, "Is this… a scrapbook?" Ruby rapidly nodded _yes_, as Weiss opened the book, paging through all the pictures of them she'd gathered from her teammates, including the one Blake had taken of their first kiss which she was NOT SUPPOSED TO SEE and especially NOT SUPPOSED TO TAKE PHOTOS OF, but she figured she could forgive it when it made the scrapbook that much more magical.

"I've got a section that's all my old Beacon assignments, and you can see how my grades went up with your help," she knew Weiss would love that, but not nearly as much as this next part, "And this section, um, well…" "When we were separated, I, um, I was realizing that I, um, like-liked you, and so I wrote a bunch of letters for you that I never finished…"

Weiss, her mouth hanging open in an adorably unladylike fashion, looked from one letter to the next. It had started as a coping mechanism, a way to make things feel more normal while she was away from her team. As though Weiss and the rest were just… away, and she could keep in touch by writing. But as she tried to write down her feelings, she found out that her feelings weren't what she thought they were. And every letter just led her to the unrealized realization that there was something _more_ to her feelings for Weiss. Something she couldn't yet name. As Weiss looked from page to page, incomplete letter to incomplete letter, the awkwardly scribbled out endings and rewrites, she was seeing the story of her girlfriend discovering that she loved her.

"Oh, Ruby!" she cried, tears sparkling in her eyes, "I love it!" And then she tackled her with a big hug. Everyone had a good laugh at that, and as Ruby looked around the room, in her girlfriend's arms and surrounded by the people she loved, and also Tyrian, today really was the best Christmas ever.

"Ho ho ho!" Tyrian laughed, slapping Oscar on the back, causing the poor boy to lock up in terror as he fell over. "Merry Grimmsmas to all, and to allll…" he drew out the syllable, "a GOOD NIGHT!"

Ren looked at him incredulously. "It's ten in the morning? And-" he was cut off as Tyrian toppled over onto the floor. "Ah, he's been drinking too. That… makes sense."

They all stood around the room awkwardly, trying not to stare at either man passed out on their floor. Well, Nora already had a marker in her hand to draw things on their faces, and Jaune and Blake were completely in their own world, a world Ruby was very wary of, but she, Weiss, Yang, and Ren were all trying not to stare at Qrow and Tyrian, snoring peacefully.

"Well," Weiss finally spoke up, "How about we just let them sleep it off, and then we'll figure out what to do once they're up. It's Christmas, after all."

It was Christmas indeed.

And Ruby couldn't be happier.

**And a very Merry Grimmsmas to one and all! **

**I started writing fanfic in August, and I now have written almost 150,000 words across 11 stories on this website. And, really, I wouldn't have done it without all the support I've received from the community. So a very merry holidays, and thank you for all the faves and follows, the comments, the critiques, and the messages and story suggestions. You've been such a welcoming community, and I hope my work continues to merit your attention!**


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